The Bipolar Blogging Mom

It’s always the nights I’m laying awake, lingering caffeine racing through my veins, that my husband works long hours the next morning and I know it’ll be me and the kids solo and I’ll be exhausted. I can only blame myself but damnit if I’m not dreading the early rising morning with the littles ones. My oldest is in the 20 question phase where his curiosity and desire to control situations is being explored and he has to question every little thing we do and make. It’s intriguing on one hand and I love seeing his mind twirl with wander. On the other hand, it can be draining after a long day of explaining things to people and then having a squabbling baby as the back drop sound. The weekends do little to replenish me. I’m productive yes, and no longer in the depths of depression, but I crave deep rejuvenation. I saw a post the other day about missing the type of friend that you can be quiet on the phone with while you cook dinner, multitask etc. I’ve had the blessing of experiencing that before and while my life is completely chaos now to the point that I don’t know if it’s possible, I really really want that again. 30 is a hard time to create those bonds I feel. It’s been challenging breaking through small talk with new acquaintances and because so much of my job is spent in small talk, I get really bored, defeated, and zoned out. It’s no one’s fault. But I end up feeling like it was an unsuccessful meeting and I don’t jump to reinitiate a second “date”. This leaves my social meter feeling lethargic a lot. I’m naturally an outgoing, extroverted person, but being more on the empath spectrum I need more out of my relationships then short lived quips about what’s new with my kids or sharing a recipe. Can anyone relate?